Im taking off this about me craps. No one will really either. If you seriously want to know me, just come to me. Because I would also like to know you. My Name Is Jasmine
recently, and again, i felt very tired. mentally tired about what im doing now. never in my 18 years of living did i feel so tired before. you might think, you are just 18 years old. what do you know about being tired? exactly, im only 18 years old and im feeling very tired now.
currently im taking a language course and a music course. im taking a diploma course coming up in September. every core subject from EVD is very intense. very very intense. it can take up almost 24 hours of your time. and im serious. 24 hours. plus my outside courses, do you think i got the time to commit myself? you might think, its me who make myself so tired. why not just give up on one or two? here is the answer; if im going to give up, am do i take these courses in the first place? if i really need to give up, i'll give up on the core of my tiredness; EVD diploma. i want to give up my core diploma sounds stupid right? but yeah, i would choose to give up on this. know why i took up so many courses at one goal? because im afraid of my future. im afraid i might not have 'that' future. i might end up doing miscellaneous stuffs, hardly earning anything. its really frightening to me.
this EVD course did not give me that sense of security. the way the course is orientated makes me feel uneasy. totally uneasy. that is why i want to take more courses before i start working in the society. i want the future that i want it to be.
you see the advantages of block teaching, do you see the disadvantages? you people are the ones instilling designer's concept to us and yet you people do not understand what does it mean by dont see things from the surface. you people might be good in words. but pretty words will not benefit us ultimately.
it is true that you people are preparing us for our future road. but a student's life is meant to be vibrant and full of life. or rather, the happiest moment in your life. but you see students who uses design mediums to convey how they feel? take a walk around the school and see the display of current student's work. you would know how negative they felt about school, or rather, about life. i took a walk around myself, i saw death, devastation, lost, hell, grave, freedom, starvation, tears and etc. its really sad to say it. it should not be like that. its just too unhealthy. in future, we have the luxury of time to experience this intensiveness but not too much for now. a least , to some of us, the last moment of school life should be a memorable one.
speaking for my case, because i entered this course, i lose more than i gain. i lost too much. ever since i enter this course, im facing serious social issues, family issues and even financial issues... do you know how happy i felt when i met my long lost contact friends? even though we are of the same polytechnic, we can't hardly meet each other. every time she ask me out, i just got to reject and reject. it hurts when every time i got to reject her.
i know my mum have got her way of loving me. her methods might be wrong but i dont blame her. we hardly talk even though we see each other. as time past, we have nothing to talk about. she started not understanding me. and every time we have got a little difference in thinkings, it will end up being a big fight. you know what? every time we quarrel, she will say something that really sadden me a lot. it has been a long long time since she and i hang out together. my friend told me that every time she goes out with her mum, she would cling onto her or vice versa. but never in my life i do that nor my mum.
financial issues.... you know, we are paying a lot of school fees every year. even though my mum is doing the paying but eventually i've got to return her. her CPF hardly have enough money for her retirement and that is why i need to earn back. i want to save money for her or at least for myself. but i can't. i need to spend a lot on materials, tools and a lot more. every time when i take money from her, i felt guilty. she became my house's sole breadwinner when my father lost his job a few months ago.
that is why i felt afraid about future. i dont want to end up like my father lazing around, doing misc work and hardly earning money. i dont want to live my life like that you understand?
